And Down Goes The Internet

You like that? That's supposed to be a title. I'm sure that I CAN add a title, but thanks to blogspot being an unviewable piece of shit on my phone, I can't even tell how the hell to make it one. I can't actually see the words I'm typing, for Jesus Christ's Sake. I'm not IN blogspot at the moment, just the memo app in my phone, since this fucking works, since it's not associated with fucking Google. Yet.

The title is meant to be about how shitty the internet is, not the internet being down or whatever, and Google is part of what's fucking it up so badly. I'm an idiot on the more intricate details of the subject, I just know that every time Google assimilates something it turns into a turd. A Stupid Piece of Shit that Doesn't Fucking Work. Nothing like trying to log into an old account on some website like blogspot, seeing it's now google, then having the massive runaround, giving then your phone number (fuck you forever), one big fuckin hassle, then you can't see shit, so you're in god damn MEMO typing your fucking blog. Quick aside, no bold or italic in memo so expect a lot of THIS. 

Not only is the internet a mess by being pounded by google or facebook at every turn, but for the most part I simply don't. . I don't know, I want to say I don't like it, but it's only somewhat true. The internet doesn't feel like it's mine anymore. It's not for me. It's for everyone. And I'm fucked, so I feel like I'm not everyone. I spend so so many hours on reddit, and have for the last few years. A lot of really likeminded people at reddit, but they're also ... usually they make me feel inferior. Everyone's a genius. I know that's false. But.. fuck they're all just so eloquent, in a way, I mean sure there's a lot of faggot this and nword that, and idiotic lunacy, but they can all write. They can all spell. They all know things. Experts on et cetera. They just.. function. They're all like better mes. Obviously racists and morons and trolls aren't better than me, but I feel like I must be bottom rung in the world of "literate internet", the people who get on it and write real paragraphs. It's my life story in a nutshell, the whole "too smart to be stupid, too stupid to be smart" thing. I almost said quandary, or something almost synonymous, but I didn't want you to try to think I was attempting smart.

So what was once my refuge is now where I go to feel mediocre to below average about every part of myself, but I still do it because I have nothing else. Not many real life people that I talk to. Hell, I don't actually talk to "people" on the internet either, not like before. Like Sara. (I'm pretty sure I never showed anyone this blog ao I can safely get away with this) We used to talk for hours almost every day, but not anymore, for a couple of reasons, the simpler one being that there's no easy way to do it on a phone. The more complicated reason is that she's kind of a nut, even if we're a lot alike. I won't get into it. It'll be a bore. I'm a man, she isn't, ______ ______, fill in the blanks.

I used to have this really close knit group I was a part of, real life people and all. One was an asshole that ended up ripping me off and threatening me, another was an asshole that I pursued in a romantic way, like an idiot, then once that wasn't really so anymore more shit happened, and now we don't talk. Another two of them were a couple, and I still like the guy, but my opinion of the girl took a nosedive after she became a roommate, and later a coworker. The last of the six, other than me, is also an ex roommate, but he's great.

I had an interesting talk through texts with him recently. He's depresssed. Quick life history on this guy - he fell and broke his arm as a kid, some shit happened, and his dad ended up suing an insurance company (I think) for him. Run on sentence from here on out, the lawsuit meant he got, I dunno, at least $30,000 from ages 18-21, so he dropped out (he amazingly probably only went to like 100 days of high school), eventually got an apartment, blew all his money on bills (didn't work), booze, and musical equipment that he'd pawn once he got sick of it. Oh and he had met Steve, the guy in that couple I mentioned, and he started doing a lot of Robitussin. I did a little, but not like him. He probably fucked up his brain. He's different now. This, compounded with hearing loss (which he has since fixed), led to him getting on disability. For "ADD". He ended up dating a woman that has kids nearly his age, who is disgusting and literally mentally handicapped, and basically a joke throughout town. So at this point everyone's like "this kid is fucking weird", and eventually they break up (after a few YEARS). He gets off of disability, gets a job at a bar as a dishwasher. This was a year, year.5 ago. 

And now he's depressed. He feels guilt that he was on disability, for one, and I get it, but.. it just seems so unlike him to care about that stuff. Other people's opinions always seemed to just bounce off of him. And I get the principle of the thing, he feels like he didn't deserve the money he got, but really, that money is a drop in the bucket of the economy. He probably got a millionth of a penny from every working citizen. Big deal. And it's over.

But he kept alluding to something else that was really bothering him, and it seemed like he didn't want to say, but I knew. That friggin lady, the horrible one. Whhyyyy. This is just a theory, but I know it's true - he doesn't think he can do better. Honestly, as long as he doesn't try, he can't. But if he did try, he could. And since I knew what he was really depressed about, I told him how much I'm jealous of him that he's single. It's true. But he will do nothing but sit and drink and cry until he gets that literally retarded old woman back into his life.

Bob confirmed to me that indeed, the woman is what is bothering him. He wants Bob to set them back up. Bob wasn't one of the original six, but he's one of my best friends (note: all of my friends are mentioned in this paragraph) . I was roommates with Bob and the fretter, and that was the best time of my life. Maybe I'll wrote about it. It was the last time I was single. My only regret is not having any sex that whole time. I barely tried. And now I'm in lockdown.

Ok, I've obviously been leading up to bitching about my girlfriend, but this entry is obviously too long. Next time I'll get into that, and why I'm back here. And the Celtics, because tradition.