Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Why in Christ do I actually get page views

What are you doing here?

Leave a comment on why you're here you frigging weirdo

Monday, December 14, 2015

You know what's funny 

In ""today's world""" I wouldn't seem TOO crazy to think that everything I type is logged somehow, somewhere, by somewhoknows what,  and a lot of people seem to know that's the case

But I'm not shutting up yet. Don't care a lot.

And it's not so 'out there, ' to believe in the chance that someone who knows you somewhere between a little and a lot will find all your shit in an instant

Still not gonna shut my tropp. 

I'm gonna type a little cheerier soon, I think, so hold on for that 

Can't see what i'm typing,  I'm gonna look 
This Is All For Me

And again, there's a title, it's there, and not where it should be, because fuck Google.

This blogging is not really for you to enjoy. I try to make is readable and structure it for some level of enjoyment, but I'm doing this all for me. Reasons should probably be obvious. A self psychiatric sort of thing. Also boredom cure. Also meager writing practice. Also potentially one of the few things I leave behind. Also a sad scrapbook. Also .. i thought I could get one more in, but I suppose that covers it. If I think of it I'll add it later OH WAIT, I CAN'T, BECAUSE I CAN'T EDIT ANYTHING BECAUSEFUCKGOOGLE FUCK GOOGLE FUUUCCKKEMMMM.

The plan now is to talk about my girlfriend, since that will probably be what I talk about a lot, since I barely even talk to anyone else. For a lot of people that would say that or something similar, it'd be an exaggeration, but not for me. I will talk to Maiden or Bob once every couple of months and that's it.

I don't really know exactly how girlfriend and I met. Sometimes people just sort of float in. I used to see her on the bus. She'd be going to work, I'd be going, well, who the hell knows. But I took the bus a lot. I'd see her and kind of wonder about her a little bit, but I wasn't attracted to her. I would've fucked her, or try to do the things that lead to that, but only because, well, sex. Not out of attraction. If I were attracted to her back then, I bet I would've tried something, even though that's largely out of character for me. Especially the back then version of me.

So I knew she existed, and one day Bob started talking about her as a potential.. something for him. He showed me pictures of her on facebook, and they were very flattering pictures, but they still didn't move the sexual attraction meter. Still, she knows how to take a nice picture of herself, or at least find the best ones of the lot and upload them. Even Bob didn't seem convinced, he was saying stuff like "she looks pretty good, right?" But I could tell he wasn't overly into it. I gave him lukewarm "yeah"s.

She's, you know, cute, I guess, like a doll or something, but that's about as complimentary as I'd go. She looks sweet. She outweighs me by a lot, but she used to be bigger. She has really nice hair, she dyes it blond and pretends she's really blond. Like, she has herself convinced, too. Whatever.

She has one of the worst mouths. Yellow, weird teeth, gummy smile. Sort of an equine laugh at times. Her tits are horrible, but thankfully I'm not into that. I like feet. Her feet are bad too.

And back to the mouth again, goddamn does her breath stink sometimes. Very often. She's very into nice smells so it blows my mind that she can't smell her own mouth. Of course I haven't said shit. Once, her breath smelled like beer, and I hadn't been drinking so the smell was a little more bothersome to me than it would've been otherwise. I told her and she cried. It had nothing to do with her actual breath, just her drink, and she still cried. So, so much for me ever smelling good breath again, I suppose. At first, I used to kiss her voraciously. Just one of my many early bad decisions with her. Now, she wonders why I don't anymore. I loved kissing, once. Now even kissing a clean, sweet smelling mouth just seems gross.

Eventually we were hanging out. She liked me, and it was obvious. She invited me out for a beer, I said yeah, sure. She started making moves on me. I doubt she'd ever done that before to ANYbody, but she figured I was special. And attractive, at least to her. So things progressed naturally, the way they do.

Maybe two months later I wrote "I [heart] YOU" on a little piece of paper and gave it to her. She still has it.

Some of the smarter readers can probably map out nearly everything that's happened since. Me feigning intetest, her pleading for more love.. it's fucking sad and she doesn't deserve it. Not really. But boy can she be fucking hellish sometimes too, moments that make me feel like I should grab my shit and leave right then and there. And she'd have it coming. She knows what not to do and still keeps jumping on those buttons. It's kind of unbelievable.

But in her heart she is good. And if I left she'd be shattered. I'm obviously ass at being a boyfriend, but I still don't know if she could do a lot better. We have a certain compatibility still, we just sit around and smoke weed... which I know isn't terribly uncommon, but. Buut. I'm stuck here, trying to segue into the fact that 1) potential other man would have to find her attractive and 2) the type that would say "eh, good enough", they're the dregs, like I am. But I'm at least, you know, a thinker of sorts, and I can't imagine her having another boyfriend that isn't kind of a maroon.

Basically what I'm saying there is that if I leave, it's not the best thing for her. Her heart would be broken, she'd doubt her ability to find someone else (she IS smart) and.. I don't think she'd get over it. She'd find a guy that beats her. Or loves Jeff Dunham. Life can be unfair like that. I know that it would be to her, save for a miracle.

There's a lot of angles to this that are at war with each other. I could tell you like ten things right now that are good enough reasons for me to high tail it. Even one of those ten may be enough. But logic is simple, and this isn't.

And I haven't even mentioned how if I moved, neither of us could pay rent.

And that's the killer, the cherry on top. This is a textbook example of "don't lead someone on" and "go with your gut" and "don't throw love around lightly"  and all sorts of other shit.

So why in the world did I do this..

I said before that she's only the third girl I've had sex with. Desperation. Any port in a storm. GOD fucking DAMMIT, I had a bachelor pad in swinging Hometown, with guys I would have been comfortable fucking around, and I got noooothhing!!

So girlfriend comes along.. at first her personality was like, 99% great, and at this point it's more like 60%. I looked past looks and said "well hey, she's really fucking cool"..

.. hey you dumb asshole, she was TRYING to make you think that for the sake of DATING YOU.

so So SO stupid.

I can live with "she's a bitch, but I like the sex"

I can live with "she's not the prettiest, but I love her dearly"

As of now, I can't live.
So I just want to note real quick that my writing is going to be especially shit using memo, because I can only see like 15 words on my screen at a time. It throws me off. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does. I lose the BIG PICTURE of whatever paragraph I'm working on. Sorry for sucking.

I'm not sure this'll get posted tonight, but I'm typing it just after finishing my last entry. I have a lot of free time at this job. I'm a clerk at a convenience store in downtown Hometown. Been here since February 2014 and it is a fantastic job.

Since I reread my old entries, here's a couple tings - My depressed friend from the last entry is Maiden, from a few entries ago. The girl asshole is Maggie, from a few entries ago. If I didn't hide their names before, why start? They both largely don't go by those names anymore anyway. If more names come up I won't be.shy withem.

The Celtics are good. Some power ranking today had them 5th in the league, which is wrong and hilarious, but nice. The Warriors almost had theirwin streak broken in Boston, 2 overtimes, but they won. Lost the next night in Milwaukee so now they're 24-1, incredible. The Celtics are probably like the 12th best team, not 5th, but that Warriors game got them some attention. The team is so likeable, every single player could be like the 4th best player on a championship team, which is strange. Strange to have almost no players worse than that and none that are better than that. I have a ton of faith in Smart, Bradley, Turner, Olynyk, Crowder. Just slightly less in Amir Johnson, Sullinger, Thomas.. Isaiah Thomas is our best offensive player seemingly, but I think he's peaking right now. He's my height. There are more reasons than that, but that is one. He could be the 2nd option on a title team maybe, if your #1 guy is Durant or Harden or something. But ehn. Btw that "slightly less" list is still really good, I'm just not totally COMPLETELY sold on that lot. Even the players I didn't mention are all pretty ok. Good team.

At this point I'm probably better off not getting overlyheavy with what I'm getting into this entry. I just don't want any entry to be too lengthy. This has been a good little odds and ends session though. Adequate.

Hey how about a really fast synopsis of the stuff about my life that I haven't mentioned

Hey how about no question mark


That job I had when I started this blog was at Goodwill, in case I didn't mention it before. I mentioned San, so I can leave that alone. The only other girlfriend I've had is the one I'm with now, going on.. I think 4 years with her now, it sucks. So I've only had sex with them and one other oneoff okcupid encounter. Like I said in my two-1-subject-notebook- long suicide note I started a year ago, yes, it does fucking matter.

After GW I was jobless for a long time. Just a dick, living off of his parents, even though they could barely scrape by even if I wasn't there. I found another job at another thrift store in September of..  fuck I used to know this! 2010 I guess. And I've been working ever since, thank God. Sometimes I'll capitalize God. When I feel it.

The thrift store job was alternately good and bad. Lots of pros and cons. Lots of heartbreaks and victories. In hindsight it was a blast. But I worked like a dog. Never tired, I Those periods were unintended, but I like them.

I was honestly the mvp at many points in that store. Then I was denied a promotion and got salty and went job hunting. That's why I'm here, at my dream job.

Less than a year into the second thrift store job, my parents moved halfway across the country. My sister, who is 3 years older (more factsz - I'm 29 now), was there, along with her husband and my new-at-the-time nephew. I could have gone, but I doubted my ability to find a job out there and I was envisioning myself being a bym again. Especially with no car.

 That's when I moved back to Hometown to live with Bob and Maiden. Ludicrously cheap rent, even before it was split three ways, but we only had one big living room, one normal bedroom, bathroom ,and a tiny kitchen. And ceilings under 6 feet high. It was a blast regardless. Not for Maiden, but Bob and I had a good time.

 Between my job (where every day was sort of like an 8 hour long conversation with various coworkers) and my newfound sorta popularity in Hometown (for.. reasons, just know it had nothing to do with my sparkling personality), I shed my superintrovertedness and became what I am now - just mildly introverted. When it's time to converse with people, I'm actually, like, a fucking human. I still hate all of the other humans, but still, I can be normal.

Through Bob and a little bit of that Hometown popularity, I met my current girlfriend. I eventually moved out of Hometown, moved in with Shannon and Steve in uh, 2nd Hometown. That was a bad living situation. Well, not bad til girlfriend moved in with me. Things got tense, then. Almost none of it was my fault, but that didn't matter.

Girlfriend's dad had to sell his house in Hometown because of high taxes, and he bought a BIGASS house in (spoilers) Currenttown. We moved into there in June. We have our own apartment within the house. It's perfect. My job is perfect, my house is perfect, and I'm barely hanging on.

Now we're at today.
And Down Goes The Internet

You like that? That's supposed to be a title. I'm sure that I CAN add a title, but thanks to blogspot being an unviewable piece of shit on my phone, I can't even tell how the hell to make it one. I can't actually see the words I'm typing, for Jesus Christ's Sake. I'm not IN blogspot at the moment, just the memo app in my phone, since this fucking works, since it's not associated with fucking Google. Yet.

The title is meant to be about how shitty the internet is, not the internet being down or whatever, and Google is part of what's fucking it up so badly. I'm an idiot on the more intricate details of the subject, I just know that every time Google assimilates something it turns into a turd. A Stupid Piece of Shit that Doesn't Fucking Work. Nothing like trying to log into an old account on some website like blogspot, seeing it's now google, then having the massive runaround, giving then your phone number (fuck you forever), one big fuckin hassle, then you can't see shit, so you're in god damn MEMO typing your fucking blog. Quick aside, no bold or italic in memo so expect a lot of THIS. 

Not only is the internet a mess by being pounded by google or facebook at every turn, but for the most part I simply don't. . I don't know, I want to say I don't like it, but it's only somewhat true. The internet doesn't feel like it's mine anymore. It's not for me. It's for everyone. And I'm fucked, so I feel like I'm not everyone. I spend so so many hours on reddit, and have for the last few years. A lot of really likeminded people at reddit, but they're also ... usually they make me feel inferior. Everyone's a genius. I know that's false. But.. fuck they're all just so eloquent, in a way, I mean sure there's a lot of faggot this and nword that, and idiotic lunacy, but they can all write. They can all spell. They all know things. Experts on et cetera. They just.. function. They're all like better mes. Obviously racists and morons and trolls aren't better than me, but I feel like I must be bottom rung in the world of "literate internet", the people who get on it and write real paragraphs. It's my life story in a nutshell, the whole "too smart to be stupid, too stupid to be smart" thing. I almost said quandary, or something almost synonymous, but I didn't want you to try to think I was attempting smart.

So what was once my refuge is now where I go to feel mediocre to below average about every part of myself, but I still do it because I have nothing else. Not many real life people that I talk to. Hell, I don't actually talk to "people" on the internet either, not like before. Like Sara. (I'm pretty sure I never showed anyone this blog ao I can safely get away with this) We used to talk for hours almost every day, but not anymore, for a couple of reasons, the simpler one being that there's no easy way to do it on a phone. The more complicated reason is that she's kind of a nut, even if we're a lot alike. I won't get into it. It'll be a bore. I'm a man, she isn't, ______ ______, fill in the blanks.

I used to have this really close knit group I was a part of, real life people and all. One was an asshole that ended up ripping me off and threatening me, another was an asshole that I pursued in a romantic way, like an idiot, then once that wasn't really so anymore more shit happened, and now we don't talk. Another two of them were a couple, and I still like the guy, but my opinion of the girl took a nosedive after she became a roommate, and later a coworker. The last of the six, other than me, is also an ex roommate, but he's great.

I had an interesting talk through texts with him recently. He's depresssed. Quick life history on this guy - he fell and broke his arm as a kid, some shit happened, and his dad ended up suing an insurance company (I think) for him. Run on sentence from here on out, the lawsuit meant he got, I dunno, at least $30,000 from ages 18-21, so he dropped out (he amazingly probably only went to like 100 days of high school), eventually got an apartment, blew all his money on bills (didn't work), booze, and musical equipment that he'd pawn once he got sick of it. Oh and he had met Steve, the guy in that couple I mentioned, and he started doing a lot of Robitussin. I did a little, but not like him. He probably fucked up his brain. He's different now. This, compounded with hearing loss (which he has since fixed), led to him getting on disability. For "ADD". He ended up dating a woman that has kids nearly his age, who is disgusting and literally mentally handicapped, and basically a joke throughout town. So at this point everyone's like "this kid is fucking weird", and eventually they break up (after a few YEARS). He gets off of disability, gets a job at a bar as a dishwasher. This was a year, year.5 ago. 

And now he's depressed. He feels guilt that he was on disability, for one, and I get it, but.. it just seems so unlike him to care about that stuff. Other people's opinions always seemed to just bounce off of him. And I get the principle of the thing, he feels like he didn't deserve the money he got, but really, that money is a drop in the bucket of the economy. He probably got a millionth of a penny from every working citizen. Big deal. And it's over.

But he kept alluding to something else that was really bothering him, and it seemed like he didn't want to say, but I knew. That friggin lady, the horrible one. Whhyyyy. This is just a theory, but I know it's true - he doesn't think he can do better. Honestly, as long as he doesn't try, he can't. But if he did try, he could. And since I knew what he was really depressed about, I told him how much I'm jealous of him that he's single. It's true. But he will do nothing but sit and drink and cry until he gets that literally retarded old woman back into his life.

Bob confirmed to me that indeed, the woman is what is bothering him. He wants Bob to set them back up. Bob wasn't one of the original six, but he's one of my best friends (note: all of my friends are mentioned in this paragraph) . I was roommates with Bob and the fretter, and that was the best time of my life. Maybe I'll wrote about it. It was the last time I was single. My only regret is not having any sex that whole time. I barely tried. And now I'm in lockdown.

Ok, I've obviously been leading up to bitching about my girlfriend, but this entry is obviously too long. Next time I'll get into that, and why I'm back here. And the Celtics, because tradition.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

I used to type like a stupid jerk and I still do.

Haaaate reading my old stuff. I don't care if it's a blog post, a message board post, an email, I hate all of it. I'm not even sure if I like the name Aural High Ground anymore. Deleting it would be pointless though.. No one else knows this blog exists. Normally I'm very paranoid about people finding my internet stuff but I feel like there's only a 1 in a billion shot of being spotted here.

I can't believe I was starting an epic multi-post project on detailing how much of a nerd I've been throughout history.
Actually it could have been a somewhat informative and funny project, but it would have taken a bit of effort that I don't feel like having.

When WAS that last post anyway... September 07. Hmm. I was still with San at that point. She was my supervisor at the old job I posted about. It didn't take long for us to start dating - we had a couple of January 07 dates but nothing real happened until the Superbowl, February 1st 07. Colts and Bears. I remember that whole thing really well - I said "The Bears are gonna lose," then we leaned into each other and pyew pyew pyewwwww (fireworks noise).
Remembering those stories kind of makes me angry, just because I know how meaningless they are now. I think that's one of the 2 or 3 toughest things about losing someone, the memories are nothing but junk - I can't share them with anyone. It just comes off as weepy, sappy, or bitter depending on which story it is. I won't talk about her or the whole situation too much, but she was amazing. In a few different ways, but mostly physically. She was stunning, at least to me. Short little asian girl with a big smile. Nothing would have happened if not for her taking the situation by the balls and approaching me head on - I can never approach women that way, it makes me feel like an asshole. It was the luckiest time of my life.
Then I quit my job and once I stopped having money, that was basically it for her. It was a big fucking mess, I don't have to explain it because it's an old, old story that we're all familiar with.. All I'll say is that it made me feel like to her, the whole thing was about THINGS and not about US. So not only are the memories junk, they feel even more meaningless because I was deceived.

But we haven't been together for a long time. I thought it would be a good idea to get it all out of the way now.

I mentioned the Superbowl, I really don't give a shit about football though. I'll put it on, but only because it's an easy way to kill 3+ hours. I casually pay attention to all kinds of sports now just to make finding something on TV easier.
Basketball is different though. Huge NBA fan. No one else around here (that I call a friend) is into it at all, but it doesn't stop me. Hell, most people don't even know I watch it, but when the season is on I will decline a lot of offers to hang out after 7pm and no one knows why.
The Celtics first preseason game is tonight. It doesn't start for an hour but I already have it on the channel. I miss Mike Gorman. I miss Tom Heinsohn. I miss Rajon Rondo. Kevin Garnett is playing, I think, I'm worried about the knee being messed up.. Apparently they just stapled his cartelige back into the back of his knee. That's fucking gross. Also I guess he was limpy in some practice video that's out but I didn't give a shit enough to watch the video.
They're probably fine either way, I'm enamored with the team. we got Sheed!
I think the Cavaliers might take a step back, and Orlando .. Still not sure how to feel about them but they have Vince Carter now so fuck em. The Bulls gave Boston problems last year but I don't even see that team being in the playoffs. They let Ben Gordon go and he was the guy that was lighting it up for half that playoff series. The rest of the East more or less looks the same. I really hope Washington isn't good at all, but I'm afraid they might be. I could go either way on that though.
I'm predicting that the Clippers will be sorta good, too. I can see Baron Davis having a terrific season, and I'm not entirely sure why. I think if he takes the reins and leads the team to anything approaching a .500 record, he's my sleeper pick for most improved player, and don't think I don't know how ridiculous that sounds. They never give it to really established players like that, so I know there's a 0% chance I'm right, but I think EVERY one of his numbers will go up, and I like going out on a limb.
Oh and I hate baseball but I think the Phillies will repeat. I called that like 4 months ago.

Oh hell new South Park too! My TV will be busy tonight.

Just noticed that every blog post I've ever made has either been made in September or October. Weeeird.

C'mon Son.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Give me my corner.

I haven't posted here in a really long time, and I don't plan on doing it again for a really long time. But why the hell not.

Here's a little synopsis of the nerdness of my life.

1986 - born, not yet a nerd.
4-5 years old - Here is where I show my first signs of being a nerd. One of my earliest memories ever is a dream I had. I was walking through a big dungeon/castle that sat on top of a cloud.I was walking by an assortment of jail cells (one of them contained Count Duckula), and got nearer to the end of a hallway. There I saw one of my He-Man action figures (the hairy one), grown to 6 feet tall, pick up my mom and throw her out the window.
Oh and also, I loved New Kids On the Block.
During this era, I got a guitar. A fake guitar, but a nice fake one. It had strings. Guitar > NKOTB. This is a step in the right direction, but eventually it would be perverted into nerddom.
Not only that, but my guitar was broken by the local bully. The evil bully that only picked on me and none of the other kids (in fact, he was my sister's best friend. I tried to hang out with my sister to seem cool until I was about 10, then I realized I was just going to get shut out if I tried)


Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Iron Man

Okay, that title is probably a grand exaggeration. I don't work more than most people, even right now where I feel like I'm being deluged with hours. I'm really not. Today is going to be my sixth straight day of work, then I get a day off tomorrow (payday too), and then 3 more straight days. Sounds frightening, but those 9 days are only going to equal about 50 hours. About 5.5 hours a day on average. I feel like a puss for thinking 50 hours in 9 out of 10 days is a lot of work.

Ooh the phone's ringing.

Ooh the door is being knocked.

The phone was a telemarketer, the door was Maiden. Any time my door gets knocked on there's a 60% chance it's Maiden, 30% chance it's the crazy girl across the street, and 10% chance that it's someone random, with a 50% chance of me not really wanting to see them. Everyone else calls first.

Maiden was stopping by to pick up a pizza he left here. My house is like a bank for him, my refrigerator the safe. Sometimes he'll leave something cool here, like his guitar. I have a few other guitars so it doesn't really matter, but it's cool to switch once in a while. I asked him to do a favor for me. I wanted him to get me something very baad, but I only do this baad thing once in a while. Think Self Inflicted Waste, for those of you in the know. I can tell you it's not booze and it's not weed, but it's very cheap. So I'll probably update later on to say how it went, or maybe I'll wait until tomorrow to do it.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Life after payday

So after jumping through 63 flaming hoops, tip toeing through a field of broken glass with a bison on my shoulders and chugging 4 liters of motor oil in under 35 seconds, I finally recieved my first paycheck. I believe it was $334 for 54 hours in 2 weeks. Ruh roh. I usually would only work 44 in 2 weeks, which means my normal check would be around 60 dollars less. So about 135 dollars a week.I wanted to save about 50 a week. Let's pretend I did that and now I have 85 dollars for a week. I have certain habits to support, that would run me atleast 40 bucks a week. 45 left. If I can't buy a CD every week I'm gonna be sorely dissapointed. 32 dollars. less than 5 dollars a day to eat with, until I decide I want to do something out of the ordinary, like see a movie (which I did last night). Drop it down to 3-4 dollars a day.

And yeah, sometimes buying CDs is more important than buying my own food. I'm such a shithead. I got a job mom'n'dad, now keep feeding me, and maybe keep giving me a few bucks here and there. Oh well, I'll see what happens. More hours may be possible.

I was gonna post more but I don't feel like it now. I started reading about Porcupine Tree instead.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

20 Dolla Bills


Man Jumps Off Bridge After a $20 Bill
PALMETTO, Fla. (Sept. 19) - Mark Giorgio figured a 50-foot fall was worth $20. Giorgio, 47, was counting his money Monday while walking across the U.S. 41 bridge over the Manatee River when a $20 bill blew out of his hand and flew over the rail.

He followed. And plummeted 50 feet into the river.

Then he swam about 100 yards to fish the bill from the water.

"I got my money back, hell yeah," Giorgio told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. "Twenty bucks is a lot of money when you're broke."

He was fished from the water by a passing Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer. Giorgio, who said he was already suffering from a broken collarbone, refused treatment for cuts and scrapes he suffered in the fall.

Can I follow this up with any suitable comments? Can I really make this more enjoyable for you? The answer is no.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The First Official Psychotic Motherfucker Post.

I want to talk about a dream I had, if that's okay.

I was in a restaurant, and I needed a job. This restaurant is very dark, gray, industrial. Very long room, huge and basic. I don't know a whole lot, maybe I'm in a movie. They showed me around, mechanized holes would kind of suck you where you needed to get to in the place. I worked there for a short time, I remember the other 2 chambers that were bigger, grayer, and more sectioned off than the eating area.
I remember assisting in the construction of a massive meatball sub. It was big and sloppy, had about 14 meatballs on it, and I drenched it in parmesan cheese coming down in a big rainbow arc.
I had gone to sleep hungry that night.

I find myself watching from the outside again, and I know this movie is going in the wrong direction, and that a lot depends on the fate of the cheese protagonist. I told them I didn't want to watch this, I gotta get to work in the morning and I'm just coming down from a nine hour headache.
My company does grant me this wish, I might have even woken up briefly.

Curiosity gets the best of me, and I'm back in.
It's later on in the film, I suppose I've been working in the restaurant for a couple weeks or so now. I have some enemies now, because of non-work related stuff. A few blank memory spots occur here.
But at the point where I'm beginning again I'm in semi-familiar territory. You know how dream landscapes will show up, and you know you've dreamed there before? Subconscious recognizance. A place where I dwelled, but I wasn't home.
In a car, which is not typical for this area. A girl speaks to me to warn me, or to just inform me. I think this car is bringing me to a dangerous place, definetly more dangerous than the record store with all of the weird Frank Zappa records
-------------------Time shudders for barely a second. This is what the girl is telling me, maybe some offset between the time I know and the time that is real. It seems I could use this to my advantage or misuse it and be doomed. But I'm not sure what it means really, I'm still shook from the time shudder. I saw time move back and then forth, righting itself.

I arrive at some official building. I am accompanied by a very large man. He is my bodyguard, or some kind of safety net. We are cornered, I see my rivals before me. I'm a different person now. A new self. And this self will karate the shit out of anyone in the way. I can almost see the gi on my body.
The rivals are young, not of any kind of intimidating status. Then I see the numbers. there must be a hundred. I'm terrified, I have been the whole time. Something is bad. Some of these people aren't even human, and I mean, they're not whole humans. Some appear almost halfway between limb deprived fetuses and men. Some of these things are armed, with whatever firepower they might have had. I didn't get a chance to find out.
I grabbed a plastic soda bottle to beat them all senseless.
Some friends of mine showed up then, with some guns of their own. These people, not really friends, but probably connections and guys I knew from back at the restaurant. They lace the room up. All of my opponents are either killed or flopping aimlessly on red puddles, splashing stains. It's a nightmare and I laugh, because it's all okay now. The pressure died. And I'm back to living the good life.

(I wrote this at 4AM last night)

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Typical Blog Post From Hell

I think I already covered WHY I have this blog pretty well in the About Me part of my profile, so I might as well just get on with it.
I worked today, 9-1. Really weird hours. I mean if I'm gonna wake up that early I might as well stay until 4 or something. But I bet they'd be happy if I told them I wanted more hours. Just started about 2 weeks ago. I don't know if I'm doing a real bang up job yet, but I'm making a good impression, being good to people, etc. They have me on the register a lot. I like that. I'm getting much better at it, making fewer mistakes every day.
Having a job is making me really happy. I'm not typically a really happy person, but I'm no mopey bastard either (usually). I worked as a dishwasher in a restaurant in late 2005, and that blew a lot. I lasted about 2.5 weeks, and quit before giving my 2 weeks notice. The first real job I had. Crash + Burn. This is so much better than that job, and it's right around the corner. For so long it's been Step One: Get A Job, and now I HAVE ONE. Step Two: ........

Oh I got an iPod recently too. My dad won it, I earned it by being a music freak. I used to scoff at iPods.

"Pfft, why would I pay just to have a compact version of what I already have?"

"Pfft, why would I pay just to be able to transport atleast 512mb of music without fumbling around with CDs?"

"Pfft, why would I pay just to be able to choose songs to listen to on the bus individually rather than by album?"

"Pfft, pfft?"

So that was pretty dumb. The thing is, I DIDN'T pay.
I got an iPod Shuffle. I said ATLEAST 512mb because that's how much mine holds, but that is the smallest of all of the iPods. I got it on... I dunno, I'll guess Thursday. Today is Tuesday and I'm already quite sick of the songs I put on there. Half a gig. I listen to music a lot.

Wish I could do some music right now.

I have a bass, at the moment. My friend Maggie is letting me borrow it because it bothers her stupid boyfriend, so I'll probably have it until the break up or whatever. I love this bass, I hope they last a loooongg time. She moved to Laconia, which is sort of far I guess. I want her to stay there. I'd really much rather play her bass than talk to her and her boyfriend. I can say that, because this is my blog, not my myspace. You see why I made this now?

The bass is incredible. I may be getting better at bass than guitar. When I play the bass I'm just goofing off trying to groove along, when I play a guitar it's almost serious business, and when I don't sound good I get quite down about it and stop playing. This is bad. I'm not bad at the guitar, but the bass is just fun as hell. Less pressure. And I love to fingerpick. I can work them fingers, like Steve Harris style. And I'm not even joking. Well, maybe not as POWERFUL as Steve, but sure as hell just as fast.

Reminds me, some guy came into work to talk about retirement plans, his name was Dave Murray. He had the same kind of face as Dave Murray too, the same cheekbones and mouth.

I listened to some of Virtual XI last night. I've grown out of it a little bit, but holy shit Janick Gers can solo like a mofo. It's just insane. He's underrated as fuck.

Oh and also, I might be able to see Maiden on October 6th, but I don't know if I want to. Am I a heathen for not wanting to? I mean, I DO want to, but forty something bucks... And Bullet for my Valentine is opening for them. Isn't that ludicrous? Reminds me of how Hendrix opened for the Monkees way back in the day, only in reverse. The thing that does make me want to go to this show is reading a snippet of how Steve Harris said the setlist will be very different than the ones from the past. Hm. Really? Or are you just saying that? We'll see. It's only the 2nd show of the tour, so I can't get a look at the setlist before I plonk down the money.

Speaking of tickets, I was kinda hoping to go to the Rochester Fair this year. I used to go all the time in elementary school, back when I knew it as the Rodchester Fair. I still think the town should be called Rodchester. I was almost going to go yesterday with some delinquent friends of mine. They wanted to sneak in. I considered it, but ended up getting a NINE HOUR HEADACHE and wasn't thinking about festivities too much.
Then I find out that this girl who just started talking to me a little bit (Her boyfriend just left her for California too.. hmmmmm) had no one to go with, and I said well, I was thinking about going on Thursday (day off + pay day).. Her response wasn't too gratifying. I don't want to go with her anyway. What are we gonna talk about? Jack shit, that's what. I'd rather sneak in with my delinquent buddies.

I'll be more interesting next time.